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Learning to swallow the humble pill

Hello there everyone!

Most of you have heard many times from my husband, Brad. This is my first time posting here and most likely will not be my last. That being said I wanted to share a few tidbits the Lord has taught me over the course of this year.

 

As most of you know, at the beginning of 2014 I was very ill for almost three whole months. I was so sick. I thought I might die. I had anxiety that I might just die and no one would notice or even care. Of course it was a completely nonsensical lie that I believed for a chunk of 2013 as well. I thought for sure I would just disappear and no one would miss me. I struggled with the need to be important. If I was not important for absolutely every part of my children’s life and or my husband I might as well have not been important at all.

You know what? I truly thought I had nothing to offer. I spent days in the bed with negative thoughts swirling around in my head. The voices spoke louder. I heard “You are never worthy. You are never good enough. You have not earned your way to be loved. You are not memorable. No one cares about you. ”

I made the mistake of feeding the lies that drove me to a deep selfish and narrow minded idea of who God was. While I was very ill God said “Come to me all who are weary. Come to me all you who are weak. Come to the fountain and dip your heart in the streams of life.” These words came from a favorite worship song I grew up singing. I quickly ignored those words of truth. I became even more ill.

Take a step back and I will tell you I had been praying for God to heal me of the addiction to sugar. I was so addicted I would eat between 2 and 4 chocolate bars a day. It was not only an extra expense it was not in tune with what God wanted for me. The man upstairs let me know He wanted me to stop eating sugar for a short time. It took three months for me to give up sweets for a while. The only way I was able to give up sugar was because I was so ill that the thought of anything but salty crackers might make me become even more ill.

As I would lay in my bed, ill and sick and practically dying I heard His voice again “I am healing you of your addiction to sugar, Michelle. You asked for my help and I am helping. I did not promise this would be easy. But you are being healed and I am here to help you. I am making something new in you. This is for your good, Michelle. I LOVE you.”

One day I began to feel better. I could eat soup and crackers and I did not feel absolutely nauseous afterward. Gradually I got back into eating salad and chicken. Every day I felt stronger and my body was leaning down. Color returned to my face slowly. Then one day I realized I had not had one thought of sugar. One day turned into almost four entire months of no sugar.

Once I realized I had been healed, truly healed, I fell to me knees. God promised something HUGE and He followed through! Then why was I so surprised? Because I did not have the faith He would do what He said He would do. God opened my eyes to how much He cared about ME. He wanted the absolute best for His beautiful daughter. God not only healed me of addiction to sugar, He healed my mindset that I was not important. He surrounded me with scripture, people and words from His own mouth that told me “You are mine. I love YOU. I created YOU for a specific reason. Oh and no you will know every reason I created for you right now. You have a lifetime to learn about me!”

Sometimes the “absolute best” means walking through miry clay and getting stuck in thorny bushes. You get no experience of grace, mercy or healing unless you go through a truly hard time.

This entire year of 2014 has been called “The Year of Healing” for me. God has called me to do some pretty strange things such as leading worship {Which if you knew me you would know singing in front of people, on my own, was not my idea of fun.} Things have changed!

You see, God has healed me, He has humbled me. I am not the same person I was at the beginning of this year. He has made something new in me. It did not come without swallowing many humble pills..but I have a feeling I will be swallowing those for the remainder of my life.

 

 

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